Tips

Twisted College Vocabulary

ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.

ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."

ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it REALLY involves.

BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.

BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay awake long enough to read the night before finals.

BOOKBAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.

CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").

CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.

CALL: (v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has to go over every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown sweetheart.

D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.

DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles from 8 a.m. classes. DORMROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people. EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies and magazines.

EXTRA CREDIT: (n) What you wish you had on your credit card. F: (n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B" on a test paper.

JUNIOR VARSITY: (n) The team that everybody supports, but nobody goes to watch.

KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you're holding.

LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead frogs they dissect. LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.

LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: "Would you like fries with that?"

LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the only furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.

MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.

MIDNIGHT OIL: (n) What you make popcorn in.

MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person your roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you are so much alike."

NICKNAME: (n) Generally, your own name with the suffix "ster" attached in a forced awkward attempt at familiarity. E.g. "Bobster," "Hankster" or "Georgester."

OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining county.

OUT: (n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she belongs to calls with a very important message.

PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.

POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dorm room while making people think you've been to foreign lands and done things you never have.

PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.

VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the impression that they were invited to your dorm party.

VENDING MACHINE: (n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast, lunch, and dinner. VICTOR: (n) Your football team's weekly opponent.

VICTORY: (n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders CAN spell.

WEEKEND: (n) Two day period during which your growling stomach makes you really wish you'd signed up for a seven day meal plan.

WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally kicks in.

WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.

WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class you're currently late for.

X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria meatballs up to ten years after they're eaten.

YALE: 1) (n) A well known ivy league university. 2) (v) What southern cheerleaders do. YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will keep getting nerdier as the years go by.

YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was due.

YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you "purchased" around 3 in the morning with the help of two buddies and a hammer.

ZEPPELIN: 1) (n) A large blimp. 2) (n) Still the best band for playing air guitar in one's underwear.

ZERO: (n) The number of times you've gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered.

ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little neater.

ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: "Frat boys at Homecoming")